Already and Not Yet

If all things were made through You and for You
And you hold together all You precede,
And if You reconcile this world anew
Through Your blood on the cross that You did bleed--
If You unite heaven and earth as one
And if Your words are trustworthy and true--
If You taught us to pray, "Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven," to You,
And You prayed we be one as You are one,
Then why the Church's incongruency? 
If You forgive and teach us to keep none
Beholden to our grudge, why should I be?
What wretch then am I? Or what wretch are they?
Save us! Come quickly, Lord, even today.

See Colossians 1:16-20, Revelation 21:5, Matthew 6:10, John 17:20-23, Matthew 6:12-15.

Day 34

This poem was written out of an issue very close to my heart for many years. Being yelled at by a stranger is startling enough, but to be betrayed by someone close who is a professing believer can be devastating. Time does not heal all wounds. I am convinced only God can heal all wounds, and yet we don’t let Him. No, we want to continue to pick at it and pull it open again like a child does a scab. But this isn’t a scab. This is a gaping wound, and we only want to look at it and think about how bad it makes us feel and complain about it. We don’t want Him to actually heal it. That means we have to take our hands off it and He has to cover it up and we must not look at or mess with it as it gradually disappears day by day. When my children are injured, they cry for help and yet they fight tooth and nail to keep that soapy water and band-aid away from them for fear that will hurt too. They clutch the scrape in their hands. They are uncomfortable, but they think they are more comfortable in their current discomfort than in the remedy I offer. Are we much different? Can we take our hands off our wounds and let God heal them?

It was through this experience that I learned what forgiveness really is. It is not something you say after the offender apologizes to you. It is not something you say because it is socially correct or because your mom made you say it as a child. It is something we are required to do as believers. It is something we do even when the other side thinks they are perfectly right all along. It’s something Jesus demonstrated on the cross when He prayed for God to forgive His executioners because they didn’t know what they were doing (Luke 23:34). Of course they knew they were executing a man, but they didn’t realize how grave their sin was, and so Jesus wanted to give them grace in their ignorance. I had to speak forgiveness to an empty room when they refused to retain fellowship with me. I had to lay down my burdens consciously one day, and the next, and the next, until now, I just think of them and smile and say, “God, bless them.” We have talked and seen each other since then, and they apologized, and I apologized, but the issues are not completely gone. If we fully reconcile on earth, praise God! But if we never do, I know God will do the right thing and set us straight one day. I don’t know how, but I had to take my hands off of that problem a long time ago.

It was also through this experience that I developed a deep suspicion of my own character. I must be a much worse sinner than I thought to receive this kind of a response. What if I do this damage to someone again? And so I have been crippled in many ways. There are people I could have reached out to and didn’t because I was afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing again, and then I was confronted by their family about why I wasn’t in their life anymore. They really could have used my help during that difficult time, and I wasn’t there. And then I feel like I am in a lose-lose situation and have even despaired of life itself. If I cannot do the right thing in presence or absence of others, then why am I here at all?

Who do you need to forgive? Who needs to forgive you? Who can you save from this turmoil? How can you save yourself by letting go and letting God?

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